There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The air taste purple.
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