My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
