Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
