Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize