NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
