my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
