I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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