ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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