do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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