he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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