he wants to bone in the snuggie
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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