I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize