when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
