The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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