Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
