from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
