Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
