you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
