you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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