Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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