Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I have aggressive nipples.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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