Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
