my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize