Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
