the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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