Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
