i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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