There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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