I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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