I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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