Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
