My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
