just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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