Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
