I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
