that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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