i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
