My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
