do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
