He uses pillows to masturbate.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
