im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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