Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize