He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
