Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
