Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
