Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize