Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
