im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Randomize
