Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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