Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
