His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
