I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
