ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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