Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
