I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
