I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
