dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
