i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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