Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You work out of a Hotel?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
