Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
