September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
