I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I love having hate sex.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
